Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The Ballad of the Pig Jello

December 23:
The other day one of our English students gave use a traditional romanian christmas meal and it was, well, horrible.  First of all, pig jello.  PIG JELLO.  DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??  It's literally pork meat and then they use the fat from the pork to make a gelatin and then they put the meat in the jello and put it in the fridge and then you eat it.  I'm puking right now thinking about it. She brought it out and I could tell immediately that it was Satan himself who invented such a concoction.  Then this super old guy took it upon himself to serve us and watch us eat it.  So he just like cuts up this nasty cookie sheet from hell and scoops it out onto our plates for us.  The smell is enough to kill a horse and the fact that it's green doesn't help. And the jiggle.  Oh the jiggle.  It just sits on your plate jiggling with laughter at your plight.  It knows what it's about to do to your body.  So once we got it on our plates and we were done puking in our mouths a bit, we all took a forkful and ate it at the same time.  It was the most incredible thing I have ever eaten.  The rank stench/taste penetrates even the deepest darkest corner of your mouth and it just kind of squishes in there with a moisture that is unparalleled by any other substance known to man.  Never have I ever wanted so badly to not swallow something, but he was sitting right there, so we had to keep our nice faces on while trying to force our throats to paristalsitize the "food."  And then we had to tell him that we actually liked it.  I don't know why, because he wasn't even the guy that made it.  Anyway, in the meantime, while we're doing our best to cover up the fact that pig jello is not normal and that I'm pretty sure feeding people that is against the Geneva Convention, he's just wolfing this stuff down.  He absolutely LOVED it.  I can't even believe it.  I actually swallowed mine, unlike some people. Anyway, now my bowels are feeling the full force of fury that comes with eating pig jello.  I won't describe it.  Anyway, BY FAR the worst thing I have EVER eaten.

No comments:

Post a Comment